"...but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more." The Lord used Numbers 13-14 to convict me of the seriousness of my sins. I've always thought I had a solid understanding of sin and grace, but oh how these are truths that we need constant, daily reminders. Through reading 1-2-1 with my campus pastor's wife, Numbers 13-14 opened my eyes to see how what He has spoken will come to pass- that there is a limit to God's patience with sin. God is a holy, holy, holy God who cannot live alongside sin. He abhors sin and sin deeply grieves his heart. It was hard to grapple with this truth since the consequences of sin are often downplayed in today's day and age. Yet, it was the very fact that there's a limit to His patience with sin that really struck me, and I was immediately prompted to resolve this problem at stake. "What can I do now? I must do something about it!" Nothing! There's absolutely nothing that I can do as I evaluate my never-ending backlog of sins. It was at that moment that grace took on a more profound meaning for me. Truly, grace is so undeserved and only a gift to be accepted with gratitude and awe at the King and Creator who chose to leave His throne, take on human flesh, and endure harsh sufferings- His body was literally handled by sinful hands! May we earnestly pray that God will increase our view of the seriousness of sin that our view of grace will abound all the more. How we are so prone to think that God is more tolerant of sin now! We do not really appreciate grace until we understand the wrath of God. Grace is not sweet until sin is bitter. And it is the wrath of God that makes us appreciate the grace of God! If we think we deserve grace, it wouldn’t be grace. Oh we are such debtors to God.
In February, one of our students, G's mama passed away. As solemn and painful as that season was, I rejoice in learning that his mom is a believer! I've also caught glimpses of avenues that God has opened for me to speak the Gospel into one of my close teacher friend's (Ms. SL) life, someone I've grown to treasure recently. She is the form teacher of that student. She popped into my classroom not long after the incident and we had a lovely catch-up with one another. She shared about the impression left on her as she witnessed the hospitality and love that a group of church friends showed towards G and herself when she visited him at the hospital. Not long after, we had another conversation. She shared that she recently developed a new interest in pursuing counseling as an interpreter. This burden sparked from the roadblocks she often faced whenever she tried to help her teenage students. These two conversations brought a lot of hope and joy to me, as I saw the Lord's providence in opening doors for the gospel message to be brought into light. Oh God, I admit that there are still times when I feel timid and weak even though you've provided avenues to share the living Hope with my teacher friend. Use my weaknesses for the praise of your glory.
Towards the end of March, Ms SL and I finally booked a date after a postponing it a few times. Even till the very day itself, God reminded me of his faithfulness and presence in small ways! The night before, she mentioned that because of an appointment, she would have to leave early, which meant the opportunity to share the gospel might have to wait. Yet, the very next morning, she texted, "My appointment got canceled, so we have all the time we want later!" Being 20+ years older than me, I feared the potential questions she would pose to me, and thus prayers for gospel boldness and for the Lord to be my mouthpiece became earnest prayer requests. The Lord was faithful and kind throughout our conversation, and truly, all my boast is in Him alone. As we spoke about life after death, as well as what brings us hope today (a conversation starter that was natural as the topic of her student who passed was brought up), the Lord gave me the opportunity to share the undiluted Gospel message with Ms SL. It was truly special witnessing the stereotypes she had about religions slowly shift solely because of the plain and simple truths of God's Words. She struggled with finding a faith of her own since she grew up with parents who followed different religions and friends who didn't live up to what they believed, and who boasted about the brownie points they'd earned by their works. As I was sharing the gospel, she would interrupt several times sharing how it makes so much more sense now- why it's a relationship, not a religion, the core definition of sin, why death is so common, etc. Ms SL initially mentioned that she's never given much thought to death, since the many deaths around her have numbed her. She always imagined herself turning into a stone in the garden. Would you pray that God will continue to stir in her heart as she ponders over the message of the Gospel and that I will be intentional in following up with her? My earnest longing is that I would be able to read the Bible with her, giving her the opportunity to see for herself. May God help us!
Surprisingly, that same week, in God's kindness, He reminded me of just how big a God He really is through a book I highly recommend, titled "Finish the Mission- Bringing the Gospel to the Unreached and Unengaged." One of the chapters talked about the Galactic God that invites us into His glorious plan! The author turned my attention to understanding just how infinitely incomprehensible God is by painting a picture of the vast galaxies. "And even galactic is too small, because galaxies are an idea that God had." Wow! He then invited me to study Psalm 148. It struck me that God really doesn't require our worship or our praise. The heavens, the angels, the hosts, the sun, moon, and stars, to the sea creatures, mountains, and creeping things all praise Him! And then He invites humanity to praise Him! The author included several stars that researchers have found to produce rhythmic sounds, such as the Vela Pulsar! The stars indeed are singing praises to Him! The author then invites us to consider, and I quote, "And a God who didn't need anybody, who's never needed anybody- or anything, for that matter, who created everything that is in time and space from a place outside of time and space, now is in a garden with a man and a woman, and he says, 'Hey, here's the new plan. I'm going to partner with you. You will be my caretakers of the earth.' Does that strike anybody else as crazy?"
Ministry, no matter where God places you- in school, the workplace, full-time ministry, or overseas missions- is ultimately a privilege, not a responsibility. Friends, I urge you to consider the galactic God who invites you into His glorious plan!
I had lunch with one of the kindest, sweetest teachers before heading for a student's home visit. Despite my lack of fluency in sign language, we were able to share our burdens and joys with one another. She even shared how she desired to be a missionary to Nepal before having children. As the Deaf community is a burden close to my heart, having Ms. C as a co-labourer in school has been such a joy and delight as I give thanks for the ways she's been labouring for the cross of Christ, from having devotions with her three children as a single mom, to bringing the gospel to her Deaf friends. She's truly a sister-in-Christ to me and I'm oh so grateful!
The students never fail to bring a smile across my face even when I dread the early morning journeys to school. I had a moment of deep gratitude for just how my students have been teaching me to find joy in the simple creations of God! My youngest student has trouble with balancing and thus, stair climbing is often an arduous, sloth-like journey for the entire class. Nonetheless, recently, as frustration started creeping up my spine, he beamed into a cheerful grin as the radiance of the sun glistened on his face. And with that scene, I was instantly humbled. I recall another instance when I was rushing to gather my students' bags to the school hall as we had an event that day, and as I was buried in the cloudiness of my anxiety and hurry, two boys from the older HL class reached out to lend a hand! They even shared their portion of chips as one of them signed shyly, "You're so pretty!" How often I drown myself in the 101 things to do without taking a moment to really count His blessings! I've really enjoyed getting to know the older HL students these past few months. Ironically, instead of investing in their lives, I've found the opposite to be true. They have been showering me with sweet greetings and warm smiles every morning without fail, asking me questions when we bump into one another, and always offering me treats or gifts that might seem meaningless to others but are often all they have. My desire to invest in these precious teen years has been increasing, but I often hit a dead end with my lack of proficiency in signing. But I thank the Lord that it has been an added motivation to persevere in mastering sign language.
Whimsical Interlude
Discipleship has been an aspect of ministry that I never saw much value in the past. However, through reading 1-2-1 with Maria, the Bible has been such a treasure to me. I've grown to love Maria so dearly, but as I reflect on our time together, it's really just her faithfulness to pointing me to God's Word without diluting it, and her vulnerability that has really increased my love for His Words, as well as the burden to faithfully entrust His Words to other women as well under my care! Reading with a younger sister from my church has been absolutely precious. Seeing her wrestle with the text and come to a greater realization of God's plan (we're reading Ephesians) has brought unexplainable joy.
(have no picture of our time together, so here's a replacement! Please don't kill me! I look just as embarrasing:)
The majority of my family was away for a while, hence, I had the opportunity to enjoy several meals with my oldest brother. He's someone I constantly thank God for though my actions don't often reveal otherwise (Maki if you're reading this, I love you so much!). We talked about the cost and joys of discipleship, as well as struggles with sin. I was encouraged as he brought to mind what Scripture has to say about fighting sin and walking in step with the spirit. Oftentimes, it's easy to assume that the temptation will fade away. However, I was reminded of how vital it is to immediately put to death the sins the very moment the temptation arises.
Met my childhood bestie and a wave of familiarity, warmth, and comfort swept over me as we recalled fond memories of our childhood together. I thank our good Lord for holding us fast, and for His faithfulness in drawing us closer and closer to Him. She truly has the most beautiful soul, the kindest heart, and a love unmeasurable for Christ and the people around her. I'm constantly inspired by you, dearest sister!
Had the opportunity to meet my friends' family members, and it was truly a precious time of fellowship. There's really something special about hearing the same testimony of God's character from people all over the world, which really gives credibility and assurance that the God we serve is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is a God for all the nations! What great comfort that brings!
Partner Me In Prayer
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Praise and thank God for being a God who yearns to partner with us. Thankful for the answered prayer of the opportunity to share the gospel message with Ms SL. Please pray that I will continue to be intentional in investing in her life, and for the opportunity to open up God's Word together with her.
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Pray for perseverance in mastering sign language as the burden to invest in the older HL students' lives has been increasing. It hurts my heart when I am someone who loves deep conversations, but my conversations with them, as well as my deaf teacher friends, have been rather surface-level topics.
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Lastly, would you pray that I will fight sin with more eagerness and urgency by clinging on more tightly to the undeserved grace I've received as a gift?