This month, I witnessed one of the most magical, God-orchestrated coincidences. If you'd read my newsletter a month or two ago, you would have recalled me sharing about one of the sweetest teen boys at my school, Zain. He is by far hands down the hardest-working, tender-hearted, and sweet student. He's always seeking to be a blessing to others- lending a hand to the younger students and taking the initiative to help teachers. Back in August, I shared that I deeply yearn and pray for the opportunity to journey alongside him. Ultimately, I yearn to share with him the eternal joy and hope found in Christ alone. Well, friends, this is why prayer is so powerful, and I've truly, truly grown to treasure this precious community here that's so eager to keep my ministry in prayer.
I met up with a precious sister-in-Christ after a long-overdue meetup. During our conversation, I brought up Zain when asked about my work thus far. To my utter surprise, she went, "What is his name?" Instantly, she whipped out her phone, and after what seemed like a long suspense, she went, "Is he the one?" I learnt that my friend used to work with a ministry called Tamar Ministries. Through that, one of her team members reached out to Zain's mom (a cleaner). They also had a tuition/childcare ministry, and Zain was a recipient of that, by God's grace. Through weekly sessions, Zain had the opportunity to learn about the gospel! My heart was so overwhelmed after learning that piece of incredible news! This would become the perfect opportunity to spark a gospel conversation with Zain!
During our prize-giving and appreciation day rehearsal, I found the right moment to approach Zain and shared with him about my meetup with my friend and how she knew him and shared with me pictures of him! He was utterly stunned and signed that he remembered clearly!
After the rehearsal ended, he asked his form teacher if he could chat with me for a while. He then requested me to show him the pictures again. He mentioned that he missed his friends very much! He also asked if that’s a Christian organisation and I gladly replied yes! He recalled that it was held at Geylang and they would meet every Saturday!
I was invited to sign a worship song for a missions event at my church. What a precious closure getting to invite Zain to this event. I was surprised when he said yes almost instantly by even laying aside his weekly training! It was truly heartening witnessing the body of Christ coming together to make him feel welcomed in such a foreign environment. My mom and a couple of friends practised signing with him, and even people like my dad, sister, and other friends took the effort to communicate with him through modes like gesturing and using the notes app on their phones. Zain shared that he was touched by their kindness and really enjoyed that evening. That evening, I was able to treat him to dinner as an early birthday gift, and truly praise the Lord for the opportunity to share the gospel with him as I introduced the song we were about to sign, O Praise The Name. Throughout the program, with the emphasis on God as the Creator, I invited him to turn to Genesis (what a beautiful God-orchestrated coincidence, as I realized how my Muslim colleague came to the conviction of the truth of the Bible precisely because he started from Genesis, instead of one of the other 4 gospel books). I was literally about to tear up upon seeing Zain reading Genesis page by page, intently glueing his eyes to the very Words that brings life! Wow God, You are just so incredible! Thank you for the seeds planted and sown in his heart by other faithful men and women. Please continue to soften his heart and use me as your servant to show him just how wonderful it is to be able to trust in Jesus with every opportunity I have!
Praise God for the chance to bring up the gospel again with one of my P4 students (one whom I shared in one of my previous newsletters on how he recently lost his older brother due to suicide)- with a focus on God as the Creator. We read a nature short story about a sparrow being cared for even without human help. It reminded me of Matthew 6:26, and I went, "Do you remember the God Ms Pollyanna shared with you earlier?" He went, "Oh yeah, the one who died on the cross?" "Yes, well, this story we just read reminded me of something from the Bible." He was quite astonished as he saw the connection to the story. He probed more on Creation and mentioned that he once watched a video about the days of the week being created. "Did your God create the days of the week?" Excitement flooded over me and I quickly whipped up Genesis 1 and went through the beginning with him! Oh, how I praise the Lord for this wonderful, precious opportunity to show my student, A, more and more of the God who really is King through the perspective of God as the Creator. He went on to share that his mom used to be a Christian, but later converted to Muslim because of the attacks from Israel. I gently pointed him to seeing God's heart for the nations- that Christ yearns for His salvation to reach the ends of the earth, including the Gentiles. May God continue to work in A's soul.
I thank God for the opportunity to attend a missions training conference this month. This missions training was also comforting as we were invited to respond by crying out to God in agony. Instantly, I recognized that that was where I stood. I’ve been quite stagnant in the middle- on one hand, the burden for global missions hasn’t left me heart, on the other hand, I’m prone to believe the lie that I need more time to savour the comforts of my home, of being on this comfortable island. Yet, in God’s kindness, a throbbing beat of unease often overwhelms my heart; it’s almost like a reminder that I can and should continue to persevere and walk in obedience with faith to my Master’s calling. I thank God that slowly, He has been helping me to trust and believe that if I really take that step of obedience in faith, I will truly come to see that Christ is all. That Christ is enough. That nothing, nothing can ever fill that longing, emptiness, desire, apart from Christ. That He will become such a treasure to my aching soul that often seeks comfort from the world. Oh Father, I cry out to you in agony. I’m tempted to ask, “Why me? Why haven’t you removed that burden yet?” And with a soft whisper, you assure me, “Tis for your good, my child. It’s in this way that you come to see just how much I really love you- the kind of love that will fracture your hearts if you could just see more clearly.”
I'm also grateful for the chance to read and reflect upon God's Missionary by Amy Carmichael. This book really called me to reflect deeply on what it means to say no to the world, not out of obligation, but voluntarily, because Christ far outweighs the world. May her words bring you much conviction and encouragement, as they did for me.
"Unless ye fast from the world, ye shall not find the Kingdom of Heaven." It is not a difficult idea to follow, and it takes you to the very heart of the thought of Jesus. It is for you as missionaries, and it is just as much for us who are trying to serve our Lord at home, to treat the world not only in its corruptions, but in its legitimate joys, in all its privileges and blessings, as a subject that we should touch at a distance, and with strict reserve and abstinence, feeling that if we are caught by its spirit, or fed upon its meat, we shall not fell the breath of the Highest nor receive the manna that falleth from Heaven. Therefore we are bound to look upon the world, with all its delights and all its attractions, with suspicion and with reserve. It is not for us, not for us. We are called into a higher Kingdom, we are touched with a Diviner Spirit. It is not that He forbids us this or that indulgence or comfort of our life; it is not that He is stern, making upon us the call of the ascetic: but it is that we who love our Lord, and we whose affections are set on the things that are in Heaven, voluntarily and gladly lay aside the things that charm and ravish the world, that , for our part, our hearts may be ravished with the things of Heaven, and that our whole being may be poured forth in constant and unreserved devotion in the service of the Lord Who died to save us.
Something I've Been Thinking About From Scripture:
The book of Amos has been my heartbeat during my quiet time. I've been particularly mulling over the correlation between God portrayed as the God who creates with such grandeur, and the same Creator God has full credibility to judge rightly and fairly. Amos 4:13, as well as 5:8, painted such a grand picture of His power in creation. As I chewed over Amos, God continued to convict me of my sin. One of my greatest yearnings is that God will completely break me and bring an end to my self-righteousness and pride, but oftentimes, I still find it hard to grasp the fact that I really deserve death and eternal separation from God. I believe that I have sinned against a holy God, but I still wrestle at times to really see just HOW GREAT of a sinner I really am, how vile a thing sin is in the one who's handiwork is absolutely perfect. I deeply desire to feel my brokenness, to wallow in that so that I can truly, truly appreciate undeserved grace, that I will sing the gospel and rejoice daily, for God has done such a wonderful thing in my life.
I recently listened to Charo Washer’s (Paul Washer's wife) testimony. Hearing her come to the realization of how deep a sinner she is, even though she spent 12 years in the missionfield caused great reflection in me.
Father, I recognize that even in my pursuit of godliness, You’re exposing hidden sins in me. I can’t help but resonate with Charo in how I’m often so quick to criticise others, to think that I’m superior over them. There’s so much pride in me. Like how Charo didn’t see just how sinful and similar she was to the prostitute on the street, I don’t realize that I’m just as sinful as that Muslim colleague I’m trying to share the gospel with. Furthermore, I see how easy it is for me to think that every Bible study, every sermon I listen to at home, every bible truth I share with my family- I often think that they need the truth or reminder more than I do.
I fear that the more I know such truths, that I bluntly say things like, "I’m an utter, broken sinner," just as jargons muttered out of my mouth without a real heart change. Lord, even though there are times when I’ve grown to feel the weight of my sins, I’m just starting to doubt all that now. God, I pray that you will show me so so clearly just what an utter sinner I really am, help me to see how similar I am to those I’m trying to share the gospel with. Lord, do anything to break me completely that I may come to see grace undeserved.
Update: During the last few weeks of November, I fell into this very deep slump. It also happened to be a very hectic season, to the point that I found myself straying away from the Word. To be frank, I lost interest in starting my day with God's Word, I lost momentum in preparing for my 121s, listening to sermons or worship songs. What woke me up was when I noticed the way I was responding to my mom, my sibling with such crude and sharp language. I knew I was in the wrong, yet I couldn't initiate an apology. I judged the people around me, and I was so drained and tired of having conversations with people. I even had the opportunity to attend an NS camp experience, and I was well aware that I was not behaving like my usual self. Oh, how I absolutely hated my state then. I would often find myself wallowing and crying out to the Lord by the end of the day. It feels shameful having to pen these down now, but I yearn to be transparent with you all, because we all have such seasons. The Lord, in his steadfastness and lovingkindness, slowly revealed to me His purposeful sovereignty. As painful and ugly as this season was, I was promptly reminded of my ongoing prayer to God- asking Him to do anything to break me and really let me feel the weight of my sins. I so deeply desire to come to my senses, to see just what a wretched person I really am- that I am absolutely nothing, nothing without Christ. And what a kind God He is! "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28 And simply because of this truth, Father I cling onto your Word, I trust that you deeply desire to conform us into your likeness, and I choose to praise You again for your faithfulness and answer to prayer.
Simple Joys
Whenever I meet my childhood friend, Christie, I'm always on the verge of tearing up as I relish and savor God's kindness in our lives. I've had the opportunity to watch my dearest sister-in-Christ walk through several life stages- the recent one being graduating from college and officially starting work. I'm humbled as I witness God's work in her- the work of chiseling away pride and the desire to live for the world, to growing in deep joy by the privilege to serve the outcast and overlooked. I love what you do, and you constantly humble and inspire me to live more and more for Christ and less and less for myself. May God help us!
This is my dear friend, Anna. We journeyed together at a learning trail to understand God's heart for the nations for nearly a year. Recently, we got to meet up, and oh, to say my heart was about to burst is an understatement. She embodies such grace and pure joy that can only come from being in Christ. Her yearning to walk by faith in obedience to the God who's bigger than her has proven that His lovingkindness and faithfulness are reliable. Thank you for the timely convicting reminder that the Gospel is for me too! I really needed that truth being spoken in love that day.
My sister has become oh so dear to me lately, and to see how far we've come, how much I wrestled with my sins and pride just a few months ago, I am only inclined to sing the gospel, for the Lord has truly done a great work! We've gotten the chance to spend a lot of quality time together this month, from going on evening runs to enjoying mundane things together. I've grown to treasure God's sweet gift to me. Praying that as I continue to grow in vulnerability that the Lord would continue to help her to see that it's worth living fully for Christ.
A bunch of P6s graduated this year, and oh, it was such a bittersweet moment for both these precious students and the teachers. They have taught me resilience, endurance, and patience in many ways. I will forever treasure the sweet, mundane moments that often go unnoticed- whether it's popping into their classrooms to hear their quiet whispers and chatters because I'm finally here, mimicking teachers with 200% accuracy, demanding that I declare a rather silly declaration before they unlock the door to let me in, sharing the joy of singing with a future star. Oh, how they've brought about unity amongst the teachers, and I can't bear the thought of them leaving, but I praise God for the little ways He has allowed me to point them to Jesus this year. (p.s. they all passed psle and I'm not okay!)
It's been nothing short of a blessing and privilege being their form teacher this year. Despite all the hurdles faced, I often marvel at how much joy they bring to me and I wonder when I'll ever get tired of them. With the Deaf community already marginalized, I thank God for the opportunity to convey the worth they have with daily actions of choosing to die to self and love them as best as my limited bucket of love can, only and solely because of being first filled with the infinite, unconditional, sacrificial love of my Savior- and may that ultimately find its fulfilment in Christ alone.
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Partner Me In Prayer
- Pray that I will keep choosing to praise God for His answering of my prayers to feel the weight of my sins, even though it's been such a painful and ugly process. Pray that I will cultivate a brokenhearted boldness as I approach the throne of grace.
- Would you pray that I will use my December holidays wisely and soak myself in God’s truths, so that I return next year with renewed joy and eagerness to partner with God in winning the people He has already won? The slump I experienced this month has made it especially hard to recognize my priorities as a child of God. I’ve felt drained and tired of meeting people, and that has affected my desire to love as Jesus loves, and even more so my desire to share the gospel with them.