A Gospel thanksgiving this month humbled me and exemplified my boast in Christ, for I never could have done it on my own strength. Honestly, it was also the fact that she announced her departure from this school that acted as a motivational boost to stop cowering in fear. She's my loveliest Deaf teacher friend whom I've grown very close to over the year. My desire to share the gospel also grew; however, I was incredibly fearful for how could I ever share the gospel in sign language when I've still a long way from growing. Yet, truly in God's kindness alone, He was my portion and strength throughout. Our lunch conversation soon steered towards talking about her boyfriend, which allowed me to probe deeper and ask about how she intends to decide to walk towards marriage. She then returned the question, and I had the chance to share briefly about my recent season and how, because I'm a Christian, this aspect of life is not something I desire to take lightly because of what marriage ultimately points to- a picture to the perishing world of how the Son loves His bride. She was astonished and continued to probe further, which allowed me to gently share parts of the Gospel with her. She made a comment that I was so thankful for, and I couldn't help but realize that this is my chance to give it a shot at signing the entire Gospel in sign language. She mentioned that during my recent birthday gathering, she noticed one of our colleagues singing the worship songs. She was shocked, for he's malay. Oh what grace of God! Thank you Father, for giving me the boldness and confidence to share the gospel fully in sign language despite my weakness. Couldn't have done it on my own at all! I also thought about God's kindness in allowing me to have a countable number of opportunities to rehearse the gospel with several non-believing friends and colleagues this year, thus the only factor I had to worry about was delivering the gospel in sign without diluting the core truths.
She shared about her beliefs in Buddhism, mentioned that she believes that there's only one true God, but don't quite know deeply what she believes in since the words are in chinese. I don't often head in this direction when sharing the gospel (since I don't want people to think that following Jesus equals a ticket out of hell) but I was prompted to ask about the confidence she has after death, and she shared that she is very afraid of death but does not want to give it much thought for she believes that she's still relatively young. I saw how this gave me the opportunity to emphasize the confidence and assurance I have, for I, too, was once extremely afraid of death. Yet, it is the confidence that is based on the truths that Christianity is the only religion (more than that- a relationship) that has the answer to the reason we observe death in the world, as well as how only God has proven that he can and has overcome sin and death through his resurrection. We also got to briefly discuss the validity of Scripture, in which I shared about the authenticity of God's Word with the example of women being the first eye-witnesses to Jesus's resurrection. Oh Lord, yet not I but through Christ in me. Thank you for being magnified throughout our conversation despite feeling very drained afterwards because sign language is really a language on its own, coupled with it being a visual language. I'm deeply humbled by the privilege to share the gospel in sign for the very first time. Soften JH's heart as she ponders over your saving work on the cross, and just as you've already placed the conviction in her heart that there can only be one true God, would you help her to come and see that You are that one true God?
By God's grace alone, I've forged a close relationship with one of my teacher friends, N. We've had many opportunities to chat in school, but to be honest, my introvert and selfish self postponed her invitation to meet for a meal outside of school several times. Thankful for Christ's strength the day we had a meal together. Working with children often drains me, and it was very tempting to avoid gospel conversations and stick to surface-level topics instead. Yet I thank our good Lord for the strength and joy rooted in the gospel that compelled a deeper love for my teacher friends. On my own, I'm utterly selfish and have no love for people. Thankful that she probed deeper on a point I shared during my recent birthday gathering on why I would be content working at a special needs school over chasing my dream to becoming a doctor. That opened the door to share the hope I have in the Gospel, and how the cross of Christ shapes every aspect of my life. I shared about how, because Jesus has become my prime treasure, the things of this world have grown strangely dim, and I find that the things of this world cannot complete my heart's emptiness, longings, and desires. Only Jesus can and has proven to fill my deepest longings.
She thanked me for sharing the gospel in detail, for all she knew in the past was that Christians believe in Jesus. She mentioned that "the Christians I've met are all so nice" and has been questioning muslims because they often seem to have inferior motives.
I also expounded on how terribly ugly my sins are, and she was shocked, for she could never see me as a terrible person. "You're the nicest and most kind-hearted person I know!" Yet, praise the Lord for providing the avenue to convey to her of just how undeserving I am for I have rebelled against the Creator and King of the universe who deeply yearns for a relationship with me, and the only reason I have such secured hope and joy now is because the penalty of sin has been fully paid on the cross, and the resurrection has demonstrated that He can conquer both sin and death, thus proving to be King of Kings. Thanked God that she ended by saying that she has much to ponder over now, but her heart is still set on following the Muslim faith as of now.
There are times when I wonder how I am ever going to be a global missions worker with every 'failed' gospel attempt when I leave feeling saddened by hardened hearts. Yet thanks be to God that our identity is firmly rooted in Christ alone. And so the gospel frees us from working for our salvation to yearning to genuinely love the lost so that they may taste just how wonderful it is to place their full trust and hope in the Lord- that they be eternally glad in Christ.
I've also realized what an incredible privilege it is that God has allowed me to taste and see the sheer vastness of His word through faithful sermons, Bible studies, and older women reading with me. Oh, I'm humbled, truly humbled that reading the living inspired Word of life has increasingly increased my view of God- He is such a treasure to me, and I now see why people will commit their lives to helping others come to taste and see for themselves just how wonderful Jesus is. With more and more opportunities to share the gospel with Muslims, a common thread I've noticed in their response is making the conclusion that we serve and worship the same God because of how the stories overlap to a certain extent. As much as I'm saddened that they're blinded to the truth, my burden has also been increasing- how I long to be able to sit down with them and open the Bible together that they may come to taste the vastness of this infinitely holy and suprememly satisfying God and Father. Oh Father, nothing is possible without You. Please use me as a weak jar of clay so that others may see that Your power is manifested more and more in us!
With several opportunities to share about Jesus with my Muslim colleagues, God recently convicted me of my pride and self-righteousness. I've been reading Nabeel Qureshi's Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus as I yearn more and more to understand the Islam faith. Yet oftentimes, I realized that my only goal is to get the gospel message across, and I still find myself faking my love and care for them.
Also thought about how utterly dark and disgusting my sins are, that even in a pursuit of holiness and Christ-likeness, even in yearning to share Christ crucified, He was kind to expose my dark and ugly heart: that I truly lack love, and instead, am full of selfishness and pride- seeking to boast in myself, seeking to gain reputation, seeking to be praised. Oh Lord, thank you for the timely reminder of Yourself, the very king who took on flesh and humbled Yourself to the point of death. God, you’re the epitome of power, majesty, and greatness, yet you lay low to serve the underdogs, the overlooked, and the outcast. Father, I thank you for placing such people in my circle of life. God, I recognize more and more my tendency to look down on them, to fall into racism, and to even live a double-edged life. Oh Father, strip me of every ounce of pride and self-righteousness. Bring me low that I may keep learning the way of the cross as I grow to deeply and genuinely love the hard to love.
Something I've Been Thinking About From Scripture
My cell group have been diving into Exodus these past months, and chapters 25:1-31:18 have left me in awe. They are probably the driest chapters in Exodus, yet witnessing the parallels to Eden and the certain future left me in awe. I was particularly struck by how the intricate construction of the tabernacle actually challenges to answer the question, "How can a holy holy holy God dwell among sinful people without destroying them?" The tabernacle also looks forward to Jesus's death, in which the veil in the tent of meeting parallels the veil that will be torn into two. The passage also directed us to notice the sheer wonder of Hebrews 8 and 9. You see, going into the holy of holies is like walking back into the heart of Eden, except it's temporary. But for us, we get to walk right through the veil into the holy place- Christ himself- with full confidence because the veil has literally been torn! It's so easy to take for granted the access we have to God today, but mulling over Exodus has helped me to grasp just how holy God really is. The foundation of Christ's character is incredible- He actually wants to dwell with His people! Oh Father, may we then draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith. Oh, what amazing grace!
Simple Joys
My heart was so full after the opportunity to host a birthday gathering. It’s so beautiful getting to witness people who have impacted my life this year coming together. It definitely was a stretch out of my comfort zone, but I’m thankful for the love I get to extend to others because of the love I’ve first received in the God I’ve come to trust and love. One of my biggest prayers was for the opportunity to present the undiluted gospel through my reflections of the past year. Thanking God for the follow-up conversations the Lord provided with two of my friends/colleagues. May God be glorified as perishing people come to taste and see the very way, truth, and life, and thus be eternally glad in Him alone.
(forgot to take a group picture!)
God has also been so kind in answering an ongoing prayer of mine in His own timing. It's been my heart's yearning to journey deeply and vulnerably with a few close sisters-in-Christ who love the Lord wholeheartedly. I've come to realized that I have a wide contact of friends but in the past year, as I toil and labour for the gospel, I've longed to have a few sisters that I can truly pour out my heart with, that can labour together for the kingdom, and to encourage one another to fix our gaze on the eternal hope in Christ. I've met a few of these precious ladies that I've grown to treasure this month, and oh how they've been a sweet aroma of ambassadors of Christ to me. These conversations over the past month have helped me to love Christ more fiercely, to bring my wearies to Him more confidently, and to keep pressing on towards the sure and certain hope more joyfully.
Little joys that made me emotional and thankful to be journeying through their little/teen years as a teacher:
- Sweet moments like bringing my students for their annual dental checkup that made me so emotional, thinking about the privilege I get to do life with them. My little 7-year-old student tried his best to be my brave little boy- he sat on the chair himself, wore the sunglasses, but the moment the dentist rolled to his side, he broke down in uncontrollable sobs. Yet, I'm so proud of him because he held onto my hand, squeezed the stress ball, and boldly made it through! I love my little boy, oh how he brings so much joy into my life every single day! (wow, coming from yours truly, who's never always been inclined to children)
- One of my older Deaf students with mild Down syndrome never fails to brighten my day with his quirks. While teaching math, he signed, "You and I are both good," and gave me a heart. Never want to forget these moments that make my heart skip a beat and smile ever so sweetly.
- Whenever something clicks in one of my students, Ir, either a word or sign, he rushes over to show me his achievements, and after receiving praise, he skips back to his chair with such gleeful, innocent joy!
- Super proud of my P4 boys. They went above and beyond crafting a composition to make me proud, and oh how they've grown! I was utterly impressed! Thank God for the opportunities to affirm one of my students who often speaks negatively about himself.
Had the privilege of attending my precious friends' weddings. Praise God for a renewed joy as He shifted my focus to Him. I was especially touched by the songs they chose, shifting our gaze back to Christ, the ultimate bridegroom. 'On That Day' was used as the march-in song for one of the weddings, and I broke into tears as I marveled at this heavenly reality that is true for every single believer- to be betrothed to Christ our bridegroom is absolutely breathtaking as we consider the weight and ugliness of us as stained brides.
Partner Me In Prayer
1.Recently, an unexpected comment from my dad's client left me a little shaken. After sharing what I'm currently doing, he gave a mix response of respecting and conveying what a noble job this is, yet layered with hints of urging me to expand my horizon and pursue something more related to my field of study and only consider serving the 'handicapped' during my retiring years. I left contemplating his words and was instantly tempted to wallow in self-pity as I was reminded of the life I could have crafted by now. Am I wasting my life being fresh out of school? Am I working in this field because I'm incapable? Should these roles be reserved for the uneducated/retirees? Oh, such thoughts left me overwhelmed. Yet, in God's kindness, he reminded me of truths through a sermon by Paul Washer on Living and Dying Unashamed (highly recommend) and my mentor.
You have no idea how much God loves you. If you could catch just a glimpse of the love of God toward you, it would fracture you into a million pieces.
Why would God plant the most beautiful rose he ever made in a forest through which no man would ever walk? How does God get glory out of that? He gets glory out of that because He sees it everyday.
We should be ashamed of our sins, but we’re not ashamed because of him, because of him, all of it, because of him. Therefore, let us trust in Christ alone and not be ashamed.
We ought to be ashamed but we're not ashamed. Why? Because of Christ, because of Christ, because of Christ! Everything is Christ, everything else is black and twisted and dark and useless and feeble and stupid. Only Christ- He’s not just all we need. He’s all we have; we have nothing else but Christ.
Would you keep in prayer as I find eternal satisfaction simply because Christ is all? Pray that I will be reminded by Matthew 10:22, that I will be hated because of His name sake, and so I should only expect more of such comments. Pray that these future encounters will become a platform for me to stand for Christ and share with confidence and assurance the unspeakable joy we have in counting the cost and following the God who's so fiercely passionate about His own glory and so invincibly jealous for His name to be spread among the nations. Father, help us!
2.Pray for a deeper understanding of the humility of Christ- the very epitome of power, majesty, and greatness who took on flesh, was covered in human mucus, and handled by dirty hands. Oh may my eyes be fixed on Christ evermore as He changes my heart to grow to genuinely love and care for my Muslim colleagues.