Celebrated my first official Teacher's Day this month and oh, I was overwhelmed with the undeserved love. Never want to forget that precious moment when student after student popped into my classroom with the sweetest, most thoughtful gifts and cards!
I've been feeling quite hopeless lately, even as I praise God for opportunities to proclaim Him. I had the privilege to share the gospel with our school's psychologist during our lovely ride home, as well as a sweet lady during a recent hike with friends. One was an agnostic buddhist, while the other was from a hindu background. I was thankful for the chance to really learn more about their religions. To be frank, this round of gospel opportunities aroused certain levels of stress in me, and I noticed a creeping desire to portray a more compelling gospel, since they are people from a more advanced educational background. Nonetheless, I thank the Lord for the prompt reminder from 1 Corinthians 1:18, "For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." How freeing it is to know that the work is already accomplished in Christ, and so we can fully rest in His power alone to transform hearts. I was glad that my latter conversation allowed me to convey how central God is in my life, leaving her quite stunned and surprised, for she would consider only about 25% of her life to be evolved around her religion. Praise God for the opportunitiy to emphasize why Christianity is a relationship instead of a religion- that because of the wrath of God displayed on the cross, we get to call Him our Father! I left, however, saddened by how rigid and stubborn the hearts of men are, that truly, sin is a universal, terminal disease, and no one, not one at all, is righteous. Yet, I also grew a renewed and deeper thankfulness once again for Christ's undeserving, sacrificial, self-exalting grace for me.
I asked my P4 boys to share about their Sept holiday. One of them shared about his visit to his mom's place and second brother in Indonesia. He shared that he actually has another brother who has passed away. He elaborated how his oldest brother killed himself by tying a rope and hanging himself, and committed suicide because he had problems with people. I asked him how he felt, and he mentioned he felt sad because it was rather sudden, and it only happened this year.
Thankful that this opened up another opportunity to hear his heart and bring up the Gospel again, gently pointing him to seeing how this God gives great joy and hope.
By God's grace, I've cultivated a deeper love for Christ and a deeper desire to proclaim Him and treasure Him above all things after a sermon from John Piper on "God's Passion for His glory." John urged us to echo Paul, "But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." You might be 18 or 60. Don't come to your first job and tip over because you're falling in love with the money, nor reach 41 with a sudden mid-life crisis, nor come to 63 and retire comfortably. The only way to finish well is to have enough ballast in your boat to prevent tipping over when the winds blow. John argued that the ultimate ballast is God's passion for His glory!
Cursed be the cheat who has a male in his flock, and vows it, and yet sacrifices to the Lord what is blemished. For I am a great King, says the Lord of hosts, and my name will be feared among the nations. - Malachi 1:14
Incredible! Who can ever get away with talking in this manner and expect anyone to like him? Yet, I pray that we all come to see that God is utterly passionate, infinitely passionate, and invincibly jealous for the glory of His name- that He be known and treasured above all things. The idea of God's self-exaltation sits uncomfortably for many of us because we do not want our supremacy on our boat to be taken by anyone else. We want to run lives our own way.
I think about how we often see the rituals and purification people had to go through in order to even catch a glimpse of God's glory. Exodus 33 talks about how one can die if they see God's face. Yet, our gracious loving Father actually prayed in John 17, "Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world." Wow! God prays this prayer for you, that you would be with Him and eventually see His glory! How I look forward to the day when we can behold His infinite glory without getting incinerated. I love the way John P. put it:
Right now, you see Him through a glass dimly, pretty poorly. That's why you sin so much. If you could see Him more clearly, you'll follow Him more nearly, love Him more dearly. You wouldn't sin so much if you didn't have such obscured sights.
Praise God for the extent He took to demonstrate how utterly passionate, infinitely passionate, and invincibly jealous He is about His glory, that what happened at the cross was the loudest statement imaginable: "I love my glory!" Oh Jesus, I pray that Your passion for Your glory will capture my heart as I make You known and treasure You above all things.
Simple Joys
I don't think I've ever quite seen just how precious a gift it is from God to be blessed with six siblings. In fact, the past few years have always been an internal wrestle with my pride, self-righteousness, impatience, and timidity. I felt awful for the way I viewed some of my siblings, ironically, because of my growth in the Grace of the gospel. Yet, I have nothing to boast in except for in the Lord, for in His lovingkindness, He did not remove that longing and burden to keep choosing to die to self, that daily choosing to love and serve my siblings despite real temptations to withdraw myself into my comfort bubble. And all glory and honor to God alone, for it has been nothing short of breathtaking as I witness how He draws people to Himself even in my helplessness and weakness. Last month, I asked for prayers for boldness in having gospel conversations with my siblings, as my parents were away for a while. Father, thank you for hearing your people and really, really answering this prayer.
In God's great kindness, the past few weeks have been absolutely precious- one that I pray will be a compass for God's faithfulness whenever I fall back into my prior mindset. It was filled with the sweetest dates with my siblings, some of which were not even initiated by me!
- I got to take my youngest brother out for a meal, hear about his worries for the upcoming national exam, share something that God has convicted me of, and help him with his homework (still a long work in progress of growing in patience).
- I brought my two sisters out for half a day and tried to find matching sweaters for us, but they were too pricey (maybe another time!). Our brother got to join us for dinner after his bookout from the army.
- Opportunity to read the Bible together on my birthday with my little sister.
- Little sister invited me to her workout routine (running and home-based workouts) and fulfilled her aim: to make me traumatized!
- Some of my siblings surprised me with the loveliest, coziest setup for my birthday- glittery balloons on the ceiling, a '24' birthday balloon, and an extended charcuterie board! My youngest brother also baked a cake! I was so touched!
- Enjoyed 'strictly only siblings' dinners for two weeks while my parents were away.
- Had a precious opportunity to treat one of my brothers to a meal. Always prayed that I could be more intentional in investing in his life, but part of me always backed out quickly because of fear (not sure why, maybe because of the height difference?). Being in similar seasons, I've been praying that God will orchestrate windows of opportunities for us to encourage and point one another to Christ. In God's kindness, even in my timidity, it was my brother who kicked the ball rolling, and our meetup led to the privilege of hearing one another's hearts, sharing our burdens, recognizing the centrality of the gospel, and praying for one another. Oh, how his prayer nearly brought me to tears. He thanked God for my generosity and for the sister I am, and how he grew to see just how real the true the Gospel is because of my life- that only the sheer power and grace of the gospel alone can truly transform hearts. All praise to God! What a comfort to be reminded that indeed, only the gospel can soften and turn hardened, utterly sinful hearts back to Him. I'm on the verge of tearing up while writing this now but oh, how I love my brother so much!
I read Luke 4 with one of my 121s, and it was encouraging watching her come to the realization of the purpose of miracles and healings. She visited a prosperity gospel church and heard sermons about asking God for healing and all… as we read the chapter, it dawned on her that the miracles and healings Jesus performed- it is in that backdrop that he mentions vs31, the kingdom of God is near. She saw how these things Jesus performed were meant to give his words credibility! It was also a timely reminder for me to believe that the kingdom really will be here. Since through all 3 episodes Jesus simply uses his words and it happened, it demonstrates power and authority in his words, hence we can also trust in the authority of his words when he urge us to consider the coming of his kingdom. May that shape my priority today.
Felt really drained after school and staff meeting, but thank God for the energy to bring my youngest brother out to do some last minute math paper explanations. We ended our time on the swings outside. He mentioned how he feels behind because of his retaking of the PSLE, making him feel like he’s stagnant in age. I resonated with him since I retook the PSLE as well. But I shared that looking back, I saw God using it for my good and His glory, and he probed further. I shared that God humbled me because I often struggle with pride and am still tempted to these days (like how my principal mentioned qualities she see in me above others, and I was instantly tempted to view myself as superior over some colleagues). Hence, my failure in PSLE at a tender age is often a reminder that any achievements I have now are truly gifts from God- His very grace- so that I boast in Him over in myself or men. Secondly, my experience of failure has allowed me to empathize with friends who think that they’re an academic failure, thus allowing me to share the hope I have in Christ alone with them. My brother was encouraged and opened up about how he also started to see glimpses of God moulding him now through his failure of PSLE. He recognized that he struggles with pride since young, always wanting to be the alpha male and to beat others in every aspect, from sports to academics. And so he’s beginning to see how God is humbling him. He also realized he has become more hardworking this year and is able to time manage his to-dos better! Praise the Lord!
Before we went through his math papers, I suggested reading a psalm and praying a thanksgiving or a prayer to ask God to help our unbelief of a certain truth. After we did that, he said, “Can I give you a suggestion? I really like what you initiated, but perhaps you could be more confident, and you don’t have to feel shy or scared to initiate it in the future, whether with me or other siblings.” To be frank, pride instantly welled in me and I realized how much I really wrestle with having a teachable spirit. Oh God help me! But praise God, I was able to shift my perspective quickly and I thanked my brother for this suggestion and shared that I will take it to heart! It made me realise that it’s true, I do take on a different tonality and body posture when I bring up gospel conversation with my siblings, and it’s always been awkward for me because it’s not something we grew up doing in our family. Yet, my brother's comment was another timely reminder to echo Paul, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to every one that believes; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.” Father, would you continue to grow my dependence on you and translate that to gospel boldness?
Partner Me In Prayer
- My heart has been very heavy the last few weeks of September. There's been so much that's been going on, and I often wonder why I'm involved when the matters don't directly involve me. Yet, in God's lovingkindness, I've seen how He has allowed and even sent sufferings to purify and refine me that my faith may be proven genuine. I see how the sufferings I face now have allowed me to work out the gospel. It struck me how crucial it is to hide God's Word in our hearts, chew on them, and really bring them to mind. Having the opportunity to study and lead 1 Peter during my University days and now being reminded firsthand that the sufferings the people faced then in 1 Peter isn't physical persecution, but the "fiery trial" (4:12) stemmed from social discrimination and accusations of wrongdoing, much like what we face today. Praise God for the beautiful truths that we are indeed elect exiles. I've also been singing "Lord From Sorrows Deep I Call" repeatedly, and the lyrics of this beautiful song have truly been a balm to my weary soul. Would you pray that God will continue to grow to become my ultimate treasure that I cling onto dearly as I walk through this season?
- To be honest, I've never been open with what's on my heart to my younger siblings for natural reasons. Yet, the Lord has recently brought much comfort to me through my youngest sister. She would recognize my sadness and even invite me to share my burdens with her, promising to be a listening ear. Oh, how I've grown to treasure her so much, and it's truly an answered prayer as well! Pray that I will continue to foster a deeper relationship with my siblings, whilst also growing in gospel boldness.